Story:Lauren Sarah (part 1)
Lauren Sarah (part 1)
You are my first born. A precious, precious gift that was planned and eagerly waited for. I was prepared for my baby-but not for the over-whelming, most powerful love i have EVER felt. I would have died for you-still would.
My whole world was you-I had to be the perfect mother-everything correct and the best. Your sister came along 2 years later-due on your birthday-but cme a day early. You were always so mad on her birthday, couldn't understand why you were the eldest but her birthday cme first.
I always thought you were strong and confident-but in hindsight-you hurt alot. Arguments with best friends, a boyfriend in primary school who ended it by the end of that day-you hurt-and i hurt for you so, so much. I always will.
Teenage years. You seemed to push me away-had good close friends who were more important-you would do anything for them and I felt I was failing you. You seemed so angry at me, so hurtful. Sometimes you would say things as if we never gave you attention, only your sister and I would wonder how ou thought like that when I would have given anything to be included in your life-the way you spoke of your friends mams going to see you all singing-only I hadn't gone-bad mother-but you hd never told me so I couldn't.
I felt I had let you down you know. Thats me and how I am-I feel as though I let everyone down, my parents, my husband, my lovely, lovely daughter.
We struggled through a rough time-older "men" not boys-men and I struggled not to loose my temper and protect you only you wouldnt talk and pushed me aside. I wanted to be there for you-wanted to know why you needed others and not me.
Later, attitudes escalated and your baby brother was born -15 years difference-and I felt you slowly pushing boundaries more as though you wanted people to mistrust you and dislike you. You ran away once-you really really have no idea how passionately I feel for you.